Monday, August 1, 2011

Things We Think You Should Know

The Great Plains really are plain. 

The difference between Iowa and Nebraska is that in Iowa, there is corn on *both* sides of the road.

When tar snakes bake in the sun all day, they really get your attention when you're leaned into a turn.  They instantly move the bike out a couple inches, and set you up with a nice bobble through the bars.  I don't think they could crash you even if you were stupid, but they sure wake you up.

The "Barnyard" as served in Byers, CO is 3 beef patties, cheese, lettuce, pickle, ham, bacon, and fried egg.  If you eat it all, they will name it after you (ostensibly until the next person does it.)

There is no "Klinger Barnyard" special in Byers, CO.

In many old towns that still thrive, such as Cheyenne, you can ride down Main Street (which is usually a US higway) and take a trip through time as the town expanded.  In the center of town are the ornate brick Hollywood movie sets, with signs painted right on the brick and maybe even with gold leaf lettering in the store windows.  A little further out is 50's glass-block-and-neon architecture.  Keep going, and you hit Wal-Mart.  Neat.

If you are traveling through wide-open spaces, and range is a concern (say, as when you're riding a Sporster with a 3-gallon tank) you're better off staying along the railroad tracks.  Many US highways follow them, and those that do seem to have a much better chance of having had towns spring up along the line.  Sometimes, that's all you need.

In Wyoming, "subdivision" means 10-acre building lots.

Every road has a gate so that it can be closed in bad weather.  Doesn't matter if it's an Interstate highway; they just make it 3 lanes wide.  There's the arm, a flashing light, and a sign that says "Road Closed - Return to ___ (insert town name here.)  That's it.  You're parked - hotel, convenience mart, or not.  Deal with it.

The craziest one was about 50 miles outside the tiny town of Lusk, WY, where US 18 & 85 split.  The sign said, "Return to Lusk." Damn, dude - that was 50 miles back!  If the road's that bad, what makes you think I'm going to get there?

There is a product called Butt Paste.  That's all I have to say about that.

You are much less likely to need tools if you actually carry them.

A motorcyle can lose as much as 10 mpg into a headwind.

There are places where they can close one lane of an interstate highway with absolutely no consequence whatsoever.

Traffic sucks.

Chicks dig cowboys.

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